The Power of Authentic Living
Authenticity is the new "buzz word" in our world. It is used so widely, and frequently referring to a variety of concepts from brands, coffee, to personal development. Why now? And What does it really mean? I believe that authenticity is a focus for us now in our changing times because we are seeking to restore a state of equilibrium, emotional stability, re-connection to one another and the interconnection of nature. I believe that our collective unconscious is rising to reclaim sacred purpose, and to embody the pearls of feminine wisdom. What does being authentic really mean? According to the dictionary, Merriam-Webster defines authentic as a quality of being genuine and worthy of belief. Therefor, a person who is deemed authentic is completely trustworthy. Being genuine requires transparency, whereby others can witness unmasked, unedited personality, and this means being vulnerable. In our paparazzi culture, in which everyone is an ‘expert’, has an opinion and can anonymously post, comment or face-stalk another, projecting unconscious self-criticism unto others is a norm. It is understandable that we have become overly consumed by what others think of us. We are social creatures at heart and we're wired to seek a sense of belonging. In this quest to be accepted, we may disguise manipulative behaviour to insure that we are liked, attempting to negate adverse reactions to us. We may manipulate our personalities and communication in order to seek approval, acceptance and to avoid rejection. Instead of braving our authentic selves, we layer a mask or shadow archetype in order to achieve this social need of belonging. The paradox of living true and 'fitting in': In truth, fitting in and being true to oneself is a paradox. We are bound to disappoint others when we choose to be authentic. Being authentic requires sharing our inner true selves, irrespective of consequence. This means being vulnerable and risking rejection. If we are still awakening to our authentic selves, or feel unsafe in the expression of vulnerability, our survival shadow *archetype will seek to maintain favour through altering, or editing communication and behaviour. Our pay-off for this behaviour is avoiding conflict, mitigating negative or problematic consequences.
When the shadow archetype appears, our Authentic self or what I would like to call our Sophia archetype, the part of us which is whole, healed and complete, sends off alarms bells through waves of emotions in our bodies. We know it feels displaced, we may even identify the alarm bell feeling as guilt, but we justify it with thoughts like: “I don’t want to hurt their feelings” or “I shouldn’t disappoint my boss” or “he won’t know I’m faking it anyway, as long as he continues to like me”. Adversely, this strategy constrains our personal growth, self-esteem and diminishes our authenticity. The truth is that when we choose to wear the shadow mask, we choose to betray ourselves. When we edit our feelings, thoughts and subsequent behaviour in an attempt for “safer communication”, we limit our self-development and the cost is denying ourselves true heart-to-heart connection, self-respect and inner peace. Often these strategies of hiding our authentic selves begins in childhood as a coping mechanism for experiencing emotional challenges such as abuse, disappointment, fear, devaluation, or abandonment. At the time, this coping mechanism is adaptive, but over the course of a lifespan the crystalised masks disconnect us from self-actualization.
*The term “archetype” originates from ancient Greek, a combination of the root words "archein" meaning “original, first”; and typos meaning “ pattern, imprint, type, model”. As the meaning suggest, an “original pattern” of which other similar persons, concepts, objects are derived, modeled or emulated. Swiss psychologist, Carl Gustav Jung, applied the concept of archetypes in his theory of the human psyche. Jung believed that archetypes as universal mythic characters, reside within the collective unconscious of humanity, representing fundamental human motifs of our experiences as we evolved, consequently evoking deep-rooted emotions.
The first catalytic step towards living authentically is learning to identify the mask, and the shadow archetype holding its strings. If we stay present , we can feel the archetypal shift within when we experience a moment in which a perceived challenge presents itself. We wear different masks for different people, and different situations. Perhaps we wear a certain archetypal mask at work, socially, in romantic relationships and with certain family members. The motivation behind the shadow mask is most likely rooted in protection. Protecting us from rejection, from judgement, maintaining security, we may be anxiously pondering “what would they think if they knew the truth about me?” or “would they still like me if they knew what I really thought?” Each archetypal shadow mask comes attached to a list of "should’s” i.e. "what do people think I should do, be or have"; "what should I say in this situation or to that person?". Here are a few Archetypal Shadow mask we wear: Can you identify a few which you may wear? Be honest with yourself. The “Seductive Diva” Aphrodite - Shadow archetype aspect: Disconnection from Aphrodite’s sacred dimensions, obsession with staying youthful, being fashionable, looking glamourous, erotic images, addiction to sexual pleasure, and the misuse of seduction. How are you devaluing yourself in exchange for gain: money, power or status?” The “WildChild” Artemis - Shadow archetype aspects: Avoiding her vulnerability in relation to others, hiding her emotional needs, even to herself. She trusts nature more than humans, and tends towards emotional distancing in relationships with others. Are you being so focused on your goals & mission that you disconnect from family and loved ones? Or the opposite, you have no focus and struggle to achieve goals? The “Influencer” Athena - Shadow aspect: Athena’s over identification with the “father-world” leads to the patriarchal imprint of fearing the Dark Mother powers, instead of recognizing these powers as part of her own psyche. Due to the concealing of her vulnerable and underdeveloped inner feminine self, she is hypersensitive emotionally. Are you too intellectual, cut off from your emotional body? The “Mrs Jones” Hestia - Shadow aspects: Through the seduction of the need for logical reasoning, she will dismiss her keen intuition for the “inability to explain herself”. In the modern western world, women who want to maintain the home-fire has no place in a society which is based on consumerism. Having more, requires more work hours to enable spending, creating a frantic lifestyle. The “Jealous Jezebel” Hera - Shadow archetype aspects: Suffering from betrayal wounding, being paranoid, jealous, mistrusting, vindictive and/ even staying in a toxic relationship of infidelity. Her own unexplored autonomy is reflected in her financial and emotional dependence on her husband, partner or she is resentfully single. The “SuperMom” Demeter - Shadow archetype aspects: Severe depression and grieving for loss of meaning. If a predominantly Demeter archetype woman does not experience mothering, she will become severely depressed. May feel victimized by people or circumstances in which you feel powerless to impact change for self or others. In this instance you will either rage, or repress feelings of powerlessness, which leads to depression. Feel over-committed, overwhelmed, and resentful, due to lack of boundaries. The “Martyr” Persephone - Shadow archetype aspect: Staying stuck in the underworld, feeling like a victim, bitterness, powerlessness. Denying the awareness of our dark side, anger, and rage, remaining the incomplete un-graduated maiden. Overly tuned into the feelings and needs of others. Repeated patterns of abusive relationships; mysterious illnesses, stuck in “little girl” syndrome or refusal to develop into a woman. The “Raging Activist” Sekhmet - Shadow archetype aspect: Destruction without consciousness. Death without rebirth. Creating without consequence, i.e consumerism that has a negative impact on the earth. Are you so angry about the injustice of this world, that you have lost compassion and perspective of the whole story? The cost of being inauthentic: When we rely on switching masks for every situation as a means of survival, eventually this has a heavy cost on our self-esteem. It takes a vast amount of energy to keep up with censoring, hiding, editing and lying to those around you about what you really believe, think, feel and who you are at the core. When we can not express our true selves, we feel lonely, isolated, anxious, as we come to fully comprehend that hiding in this way means that no-one gets to really know us, All of us, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the brave you. In the wise words of the Thought-leader on Authentic Living, Brene Brown teaches us :
It takes great courage to take off the masks, to retire or integrate the shadow archetypes, so that their whole, authentic attributes have face & talk time in your world. It requires a higher level of self-esteem, and confidence to open heartedly share your feelings and thoughts, your doubts, failures and fears. It also take courage to share our successes and greatness, as we also fear risking our acceptance or being judged by others for achieving. The power of Authenticity: I have had the privilege to work with thousands of women over the last decade, and I can honestly say that there is a key moment of Initiation on a woman’s life journey which calls her to authentic living action. Its a catalytic moment when she realises that valuing herself, her personal truth, more than she values what others think she should be, do or say, becomes a life-affirming choice. One which we start integrating into our discernment compass because we realise that its paramount to living a life with meaning, sacred purpose, feeling peaceful, and experiencing the profound joys of personal freedom.
The practice is in our choices ; its the moments when we choose self-respect over acceptance of others; when we choose peace over anxiousness; and when we choose honesty over resentment. Living authentically liberates us into our soaring personal power, gifting us the lightness of being which is unparalleled to an existence hiding behind masks. After practicing authentic relating and expression for a while, choosing to be the real you becomes the only choice worth considering!
The gifts of authenticity include, but are not limited too experiencing:
Luminous clarity and confidence
Feeling radiant, alive, peaceful and inspired
Less self-judgement as you practise self-compassion effortlessly
Leading, loving and living from a space of fulfillment
Effective conflict resolution
A deeper connection to your outer and inner worlds
The vibrant joy of creativity
Gracious gratitude
Liberating sensuous freedom
How can you cultivate living authentically?
Being authentic requires ‘the work’. There are no quick-fixes or shortcuts to authentic expression. The catalytic truth is that we intuitively perceive when we or someone else is inauthentic. In essence the golden key is to Know Thyself, which means deepening your level of self-awareness. We can not change that which we are not aware of. Getting to know yourself intimately, knowing which predominant archetype you are and how she operates in her world, identifying and understanding the motivation for your triggers and how they play out. This self-awareness unlocks the doors to your internal world. Become present with yourself. Observe what you are feeling, and when; feel the switch of an archetypal change within and note when you feel most authentic and when not. “The work” includes a process of awareness, self-reflection, practice and uncovering the unconscious patterning which keeps masks, shadow archetypes and coping strategies alive. This Heroine’s Journey is a natural process in our eve-olution. Once we embark on this quest to authentic living, we discover that we have the power of choice, and we can choose who we want to be and how we want to relate to the world. On this journey, there are chapters in your story which you can work on yourself, and other in which you will need assistance: Awareness: Read books on self-growth, personal development and self-actualization. Self-Reflection: Start an art journal, expressing your observations, pearls, reflections in a creative way. Sign up for on-line courses on the topic. Practice: Join or start a women’s circle with like-hearted sistars, who are on the same journey. We can practice authenticity in a safe environment where we can receive feedback from others on what we are projecting. Attend seminars or join workshops. Uncovering the unconscious: This is where we all need professional assistance. I may be biased, but I believe the whole of humanity can benefit deeply from therapy. Set up some sessions with a Counselor, Life Coach, Therapist. Choose a professional who resonates with you, that you feel you can trust and complete the journey with. The ultimate choice lies with you. Only you have the power to affect change in your world, and it starts with a choice. A choice to be YOU! A choice to be your beautiful, unique, unapologetic self. Choosing a life of grace, joy, love, truth and freedom!
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